Lube Is Wasted on the Young

One of my Dad’s favorite expressions was “Youth is wasted on the young.” So, I see now, is lube. Teenage boys have been using it for years. Lube. Olive Oil. Banana peels. Or anything else Portnoy could think up. And they used it unapologetically. And in copious amounts. They used it because it felt good. Full stop. So what happened? Did they think the girl wouldn’t like it? Were they embarrassed to bring it out? Unfortunately for us girls, the closest thing we got to lube was KY-Jelly at the gynocologists office.  And you know what? We could have used lube then, and we can certainly use it now.

Lube has this strange stigma attached to it for women. Like if we aren’t self lubricating then somethings wrong with us. We’re not turned on. Or we’re post-menopausal. None of which are true. Sometimes, sports fans, we’re just dry. And sometimes, even if we are wet, poking something dry inside can still be painful. Lube has not gender. Lube has no age. Lube is a all round player in the world of pleasure. So pour it on!

For teenage girls it would certainly make self pleasuring a lot less painful. We girls all know what I’m talking about. And for lovemaking, it’s always a plus. It doesn’t make things too slippery. It doesn’t effect intensity for the man. It just smooths everything out. For everyone. If there’s pain, let there be lube. Even if you’re pouring like Niagara.

And for my menopausal ladies — you should have this on your bedside stand like you do your lotion. Dryness is a big issue post-menopause. And sex can be painful — for lots of different reasons. But a good lubricant can take care of a good 75% of the issues. Really. And, it enhances his pleasure as well. There is no need for pain in pleasure (unless you so desire it).

Besides, lube is fun in other ways, too! Great for hand jobs. And is a great way to get your man to soften his touch. Try it on your nipples, for a little massaging. Though not a substitute for massage oil as it absorbs more quickly and differently, it is fun to try on different erogenous zones to create a smooth, soft touch. Just for a minute. And then no messy, oily residue to deal with! My favorite is Kamastra’s Love Potion. It’s silicone. I know. But it’s light and it lasts a long time. And, yes, you could use olive oil, but it doesn’t absorb the same way and you wind up smelling like a salad.

So why the diatribe on lube? Because 75% of the people that walk into my store don’t use it. And at least half of them again, return to thank me and buy more. So go ahead. Buy it. At the very least, it’ll bring up some fun high school memories to get your evening off to a memorable start.

 

The Picture of….

We’ve all heard it: It’s what’s on the inside that really counts. But if you’re not happy with outside than you’re not happy are you?

I totally agree. As a large woman I get this. Now, I can’t help being large. I’m 5′ 10″. I’m never going to be a petite, little thing. I’m of average weight, vacillating between a size 10 and 12.  I’ve struggled with not fitting the image of beauty, but I’ve never really let it get to me. I live in the land of reality. No amount of dieting is going to make me 5′ 6″ and 125 lbs. But you know what, that’s just fine with me. And it was more than fine with a gorgeous visitor to my shop today.

She was a curvy girl to be sure. By our standards she was fat. And she knew it. She called herself fat. But she loved her body. And it showed. The way she carried it. What she wore. Okay, some people might have thought she should have rethought the outfit. Not too tight, but definitely showing every curve. And she was showing a lot of skin. I loved it. And I loved her. She sat here with her daughter in tow, telling me about how she always goes for the hottest guy — and a lot of time gets him. Because she loves who she is. She loves the freedom her zaftig body gives her. And I loved that she embraced it.

Then I took out some boudoir photos I had done of myself a couple of years ago. I was maybe 10 lbs less than I am now. But as I looked at them I couldn’t believe how beautiful I was. So confident of who I am as a woman. You could see how beautiful I felt but just the way I stretched my body across the couch. I could be an exhibitionist and post some photos of myself from that shoot. I’m not shy, but it feels a little self indlugent somehow. But I will remind us all of what real beauty is: Women who are completely comfortable in their own skin. And who, I might add, would be my peers in body weight today. So let’s just take a look at what we call curvy can do to a lens. I dare Jennifer Aniston or Giselle to make sensual beauty look this good. And note, I didn’t pick the studio shots. I picked the ones of women, being women.

 

I hate to break it to you. But after all the classes, seminars, workshops, books, internet searches, I’m learning more about flirting and how to get your man from my new seven week old kitten, Gwyneth, than the thousands of dollars I’ve spend perfecting my skills.

First of all, Gwyneth totally flirted her way into my arms. I was clear on what I wanted after my old friend Hamish died last year. Another male, orange tabby. To go with my other male, orange tabby. This is not an easy task mind you. They can be a little harder to find. But I did. Too late. Males gone, only females. And a calico. Don’t want the calico. Save me an orange female. Get there, out pops the calico. Making a case for herself. Quiet, sweet, purring. Not overacting. Just being herself. Very cute, but I want the orange one. The orange one finally makes her way out. And she was not working it. Now I could have left and held out for another orange kitten. But the calico wouldn’t let me leave. She just sat there loving me. She picked me. And she was patient while I talked about the orange one. She just snuggled with the next person staring at me. And so she won, she came home with me.

Now we had to deal with Malcolm and his 14 years and 14 lbs to her 7 weeks and 1.5lbs. And he was not amused. So I followed the rules. Put her in another room. And she quietly sat in there while we went about our business. Occasionally a little meow to let us knows she was there and when the door opens — pure joy to see me. Purring. Working it. Over the course of the next three days she’s not made a major play for Malcolm. No jumping from under the bed. No attacking the tail. No hissing. No swatting. In fact, she’s barely acknowledged his existence. But she knows he’s there. And this is making Malcolm crazy.

He’s following her. Pretending to be disgusted. And when she turns to call him on it. He acts like she was tailing him.  Incredulous at her turning around and calling him on his own trick. He spits, he hisses, she just stares, holds her stare for the extra second and jumps away to play.

She is self amusing. Alluring. Independent while knowing that she needs help at times. She is coy whilst, she is brazen. In her first 50 days, she’s learned more about how to work than I have in my 44 years. Do it with confidence. Don’t sweat the small stuff.  And make them come to you.

 

April showers bring…

I’m here, hanging at the shop, getting ready for a first date. I love first dates. They’re bursting with possibility…. like spring. And, well, it’s far from spring-like out. Or what I like to think of as spring. You know, the days like yesterday where it’s so beautiful you can taste summer. But not today.

• It’s a cold — 50 degrees.
• It’s rainy. Nasty Spring rain. Wet. Cold. Drizzly. (My hair doesn’t stand a chance for this date, let me tell you.)
• It’s dark and gloomy. Not inviting. Not warm. Just dreary.
• However…. pansies are the flower box. Crocuses are flooding front lawns all over Fairfield County. Daffodils are bursting themselves with the first early bloomers — big and bright. Robins are afield, looking for food.

But I did think about, given the circumstances, what would a perfect date look like on a night like tonight? Not my date tonight — mine will be one of those slightly uncomfortable ones, sitting at the bar, hoping we get along as well as we did on email and phone. But if I flashed forward to a year from now — providing things went well (no pressure) — what would my date tonight look like then. It looks like this:

It’s Spring. April is the month of possibilities. Everything has potential in April. Everything is new and fresh and bright and filled with the urge to be bigger, more beautiful. Even on this cold dark day, I’ve only to walk to the front of the boutique, catch a glimpse of my purple and yellow pansies and I’m a happy girl. It’s a sensual month to be sure. And a month were everything, despite itself, continues to grow. Through the cold, the wet and the dark.

So I can think the date above, but I can’t quite have it yet. So I’m giving it to you.

Build the fire. Dim the lights. Put on J’ai Deux Amours by Madeleine Peroux. Pour some Fourplay wine (it’s all in the name). Listen to the rain. Savor your partner. And see what blossoms.

 

The Bedroom Is Good For Your Health

We all know that sleep is an essential part of our overall health. It reduces stress, aids your body in repairing itself, and improves overall performance during your day. But there is more to the bedroom than a good night’s sleep – and it all adds up to a healthy lifestyle.

Sex isn’t just a nice to have when it comes to health. It has been proven to boost your immune system, lower blood pressure, and improve cardiovascular health to name but few benefits. But more importantly, a healthy sex life can boost your self esteem, improve intimacy with your partner, and, let’s face it, improve your mood exponentially. It’s great exercise for your body, mind and soul.

Sleep and sex make the bedroom the most important room in the house. It should be relaxing, but it should also be a rejuvenating and private space built for intimacy. Think of it as sensual haven for your desires. That means creating a space that is warm, inviting, sensual and made for two (even if it’s just you right now). It means no TV, no kids, no family photos, no outside influence that takes you outside of yourself. You must create an intimate oasis that invites you to feel safe, sexy and sensual.

Create a room using warm tones that speak to your personality and passion. Leave beige to the living room. Invite rich, but subdued tones into your room. Deep earth tones are my favorite, coupled with sensuous bedding and evocative lighting. Declutter your space. Keep it open to possibility. And find a signature scent that transports you as you walk into the room. Evoke passion. Not just good night’s sleep. And even if you’ve got nothing going on in there right now, it’ll harbor some lovely dreams until you do.

 

It’s Really Too Big

There is a reason I don’t sell king size bedding in the store. I don’t believe in the king size bed. It’s too big. You might as well be sleeping in separate beds. And what’s the fun in that? I have an adage: “Full size. Queen size. King size. Divorce.”

This is one of the 80’s phenomena along the lines of ‘the bigger the better.’ Well, it’s not. The benefit of having a partner to sleep with you is that they’re there. You can feel them. Hear them. Reach over and touch them during the night without having to get up and walk over. Proximity is a big part of intimacy and a king size bed is simply a barrier to it. Any bed that allows you can spread your arms and legs and not touch the person next to you is a problem.

I’ve heard all the arguments. Kids, dogs, too hot, he/she kicks. Whatever. My response? Kick the kids and dogs out of bed (they shouldn’t be there anyway!) Buy lighter blankets. And you’re going to get kicked anyway.

Nighttime is the only time you get to be so close for such an extended period of time. And if you can’t, or don’t want, to lie that closely to your partner during the night, you’ve got bigger problems than the size of your bed. My parents slept in a full size bed until I was in my early teens. When they finally purchased a Queen, the only plus my father talked about was that his feet didn’t hang over the edge. When people suggested that a king bed was even more luxurious he responded, “I don’t want to be that far away from my wife.” I loved that.

So if you’ve got an unstoppable yearning for a king size bed, maybe you should rethink your relationship, not your bed.

 

Wrap Me Up

What you wear to bed is a bellwether of your relationship – with your partner and with yourself. I have a class here at the shop called “You Are What You Wear.” I ask women to bring in what they normally wear to bed. I don’t care what it looks like. What I care about the answer to these three questions:

1.    Why did you select this?
2.    How do you feel in it?
3.    What message do you think you’re sending?

A gift of beautiful lingerie from your partner is the ultimate compliment. It means he believes you are a goddess. It is an expression of his love of you and your body. There’s really no way to make that wrong. It might be the wrong size. It might even be a bit, well, trampy. But it’s only given with the best of intent. He thinks you’re hot. And wants you to know it.

Here’s the bad news. Men don’t make great choices. But you need to be very careful in how you handle this. A look of “you’ve got to be kidding” is not the way to go. Instead, a gentle, “this is so beautiful, but not really my style/color/size. Would it be okay if I exchange it?” And you can. But not for the flannel kitty pajamas. For something soft and sexy. That you feel soft and sexy in. And you must greet him in it exactly as he’d hoped with the Frederick’s of Hollywood number you returned. He paid you the ultimate compliment buying it for you, now give him the thank you he deserves.

 

Your Sensual Haven. Or not.

Sensuality is subjective. And the opportunity to express it fully is unique to the bedroom. This is a private space for you — or two. Full stop. And once you believe that, you can create the bedroom of your desires.

The bedroom’s purpose is twofold: Sleep and sex. I can tell you what to put in it (signature scent, mood lighting) and what to take out (the TV, family photos) but the only thing that matters is your reaction when you walk into it. What have you created? Stand back, take the room in and ask yourself these five simple questions:

1. Does this space turn me on? If it feels like any other room in your home, then you missed the boat. The ambiance must support the intent (I’ll say it again) — sleep and sex.
2. What do I love in this room? And why? Your favorite item should make you relax and smile. A sexy photo. A sensuous bedcover. Your vanity and what’s on it, or in it.
3. What is my greatest distraction? If it’s anything other than your partner or the one you’re fantasizing about, get it out of there.
4. What do I wear bed? If you’re cringing right now, then you know what I’m asking. I’m not telling you to head to Frederick’s of Hollywood, just be aware of the message you’re sending to yourself and (if applicable) your partner – and, yes, he/she does care.
5. What is your bedtime ritual? Self care, self pleasure, and/or self inventory is where your focus should be. You should go to sleep feeling loved.

A beautiful, sensual bedroom is not dictated by Elle Décor, but rather by your mood and actions once inside it. Follow your pleasure and the sensuality will follow.

 

The Bedroom Is Good For Your Health

We all know that sleep is an essential part of our overall health. It reduces stress, aids your body in repairing itself, and improves overall performance during your day. But there is more to the bedroom than a good night’s sleep – and it all adds up to a healthy lifestyle.

Sex isn’t just a nice to have when it comes to health. It has been proven to boost your immune system, lower blood pressure, and improve cardiovascular health to name but few benefits. But more importantly, a healthy sex life can boost your self esteem, improve intimacy with your partner, and, let’s face it, improve your mood exponentially. It’s great exercise for your body, mind and soul.

Sleep and sex make the bedroom the most important room in the house. It should be relaxing, but it should also be a rejuvenating and private space built for intimacy. Think of it as sensual haven for your desires. That means creating a space that is warm, inviting, sensual and made for two (even if it’s just you right now). It means no TV, no kids, no family photos, no outside influence that takes you outside of yourself. You must create an intimate oasis that invites you to feel safe, sexy and sensual.

Create a room using warm tones that speak to your personality and passion. Leave beige to the living room. Invite rich, but subdued tones into your room. Deep earth tones are my favorite, coupled with sensuous bedding and evocative lighting. Declutter your space. Keep it open to possibility. And find a signature scent that transports you as you walk into the room. Evoke passion. Not just good night’s sleep. And even if you’ve got nothing going on in there right now, it’ll harbor some lovely dreams until you do.

 

Remembering Who I Am

I am strong: I quit my job so I could start a business I knew nothing about.

I’m a pioneer: I found a safe and provocative way to bring sensuality and sex into the daily conversation of Westport, CT.

I am a goddess: I am beautiful and confident and I leave everyone better than I found them.

Okay, that might sound a little over the top, but this morning I had to remind myself of that very fact. I was feeling sorry for myself this morning. Tired. Scared. And on the verge of feeling like a failure. That’s not me. I needed to get myself back on track. How did this happen? I forgot myself for a minute. So I had to get myself back on track. I had to do what I do best; make me feel empowered by using my sensuality. And here’s how I did it (and always do it).

1. Find your Inner Goddess. I wake up, look at myself in the mirror and flirt with myself. I let myself know exactly how hot I am. For me, that’s staring into the mirror and giving myself the best eye flirt I can muster. I crack myself up every time. But I leave that mirror feeling a whole lot sexier than it found me. Yes, it’s the equivalent of my nephew air guitaring to his Wii, but it works. I always laugh it off, but always give myself one last look that confirms, for me, that I am as hot as the person in the mirror thinks I am.
2. Flirt at least once a day. I mean really flirt. Completely engage another person and have fun with it. Feel the pleasure of being in that person’s company. That can be the hot guy at the coffee counter, or the little girl in the shopping cart at the store. But be fully present and make that person feel your attention. It’s better than drugs.
3. Compliment a stranger. And make them hear you. Engage your inner charm and make that person feel 100% better than they did the three seconds previous when you were just a face in the crowd. Not a throw away compliment, one they have to stop and listen to: “Those shoes make your legs look so sexy and are perfect with that outfit.” “You have the most beautiful smile, it literally stopped me.” They will stop and take it in and engage back with you. You made their day. And you will walk away feeling amazing.
4. Be grateful. Every day find three things to be grateful for that day. It doesn’t need to be big. It just needs to be real. Finding the perfect parking space to getting a promotion. But find three things that just made you better.
5. Give yourself pleasure. Take out time every day to do one pleasureable thing just for yourself. That bite of chocolate. Putting on beautiful lotion. Self pleasuring. But give one delectable morsel to yourself every day.

So how did my day go?

1. I have my favorite t-shirt on that rocks my cleavage. And I stared back at my self with my sexiest stare and knew that me and boobs where off for some action.
2. I’m just back from a week’s vacation. I saw one of the waiters at the restaurant next store and walked out my store, locked arms with him as he walked to work and said, “Did you miss me? Because I missed you.” He kissed me on the cheek, said something beautiful in Spanish, and winked as I deposited him at the front door.
3. I told a customer today that I loved her pose as she looked at some merchandise. There was something very sexy about it. She turned, hugged me, and said “I so need that. I feel like a loser Soccer Mom right now. I was just thinking what a schlump I was.”
4. I am grateful how cool it was this morning when I woke up — I love Fall. I am grateful for all the customer’s today here at the store, more than I had ever expected today, the Friday before Labor Day. I am grateful for my date tonight and the challenge of being with someone new and using all that I know to have a good time.

Yep. I feel better.