Can we talk about dating for a minute? It’s quite pertinent to me today as I enter into the Memorial Day Weekend, the start of summer fun, single. Now, to be clear, I don’t have an issue being single. I don’t feel “alone” or “unlovable.” I’m just not seeing anyone right now. But it does make me think I need to try harder to find my mate.

This conversation is doubled by the fact that I’m being filmed this evening for a documentary about single women and dating. During the pre-shoot interview they asked about my dating regimen (my word, not theirs) and I outlined all the usual suspects. Bars, online dating, and pressuring married friends, I mean, they “must know someone.”

All have been employed with similar success, or lack thereof. And here is my POV on what’s going on out there. It’s the land of the better deal. And we single folk are ALL guilty of it. There is no male of female skew here, as far as I know.

The Bar: What I find interesting about the bar scene these days is anyone will talk to anyone. People will join your conversation regardless of invitation. And this makes for a fun evening, and, depending on the make up of the conversation clutch, can increase your chances, or — better yet — give you options. However, no matter how great the person(s) you meet at the bar is — a cuter, sexier, blonder, richer (c’mon, be honest, this is Fairfield County) prospect could walk in at any moment. And they will be immediately added to the conversation if available. It’s fascinating. I’ve watched amazing feats of “joining” and “inviting.” However, this enmasse strategy can seriously backfire as everyone is having fun as a group, but can’t necessarily support the one-on-one. I feel, gravitate towards the one your most attracted to and stick. See if you handle :30 minutes at the bar alone. Better chances for success in my book. But, hey, I’m still single.

Online Dating: Don’t get me started here. eharmony delivered me 6 “perfect matches” PER DAY for over a year. Are you kidding me? And I don’t want to be unkind, but these were far from my perfect match, trust me. And I’m pretty open. And the rigor of getting to open communication is enough to make anyone go limp. And Match.com (or sex.com as many people now call it) is pretty much in full rotation mode if you’ve been on it for more than a year. I haven’t seen anyone new for over a year. (And God help you if you are new — fresh meat is an understatement.) I finally quit. I was just done. Men whom I had already written, letting them know I’m was not interested, came back. Do they think I’ve forgotten? Or do they think I’ve just gotten more desperate?

And what is up with people getting back online within minutes of getting back from a date? I’m guilty of this as well, but I’m checking to see if the guy is online — like this is some barometer of how well our date went. And, people, I’m not exaggerating, 95% of the time they’re there –at least have the courtesy to look under a pseudo-profile (like I did).

One more question, are there any manners left in the world? Why do people find it appropriate to go on a date or three and then disappear? Not EVEN an email. Again, please, I dated a guy 3 months from Match.com who broke up with me by email. Shocking. I don’t think this is a Match.com issue per say, but the online dating medium has created a whole new communications channel to hide behind. But email is only marginally better than texting as it relates to dating etiquette in my book. Be a man for heaven’s sake. What’s the worse that can happen? Really.

Married friends: Let’s face it. They’ll set you up with anyone. I’m convinced this is either to shut you up so you wont’ ask again or because they think you’re blind. Those are really the only two excuses I can imagine for what has shown up on my doorstep. Do they honestly believe the sole criteria of being single makes you compatible?

Maybe the rules of dating haven’t changed, maybe they’ve just become more transparent in the digital age. Maybe bars have become over crowded with singles and divorcees and the marrieds simply don’t have the time or energy to find you a perfect mate. But I guess all I’m asking for are some manners. Some common courtesy. Don’t look over my shoulder at every woman that passes, maybe just half. And at least email me a ‘thanks but not sure we’re a match.’ I can take rejection. I can’t take rudeness. And it’s not because the other person is a bad person, he’s just forgotten the rules of proper dating etiquette. Because people think they’re no longer required. God knows it’s easier to disappear, but be a stand up person. Who knows, even though we didn’t work out, I might know the perfect girl for you!

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