So what is the line? When have you crossed it?

Is it the daily emails? Is it that first phone conversation? Is it the anticipation of your phone pinging you to tell you that you have a text?

Is it that first not so innocent touch at the bottom of your back? The first time you realize you shiver when you see him? Is it that first kiss? I don’t know. But my question is — whose boundary are you crossing? Yours. His. Or one that has been defined by our Puritanical history? What are you doing with the information? What does it mean?

I hear women are having affairs in record numbers these days. Is that different than before? No. I don’t think so. Women are just better at keeping those kinds of secrets, so we don’t hear about them. And in the land of anonymous Internet polling a new voice is being heard. Because our affairs (the ‘us’ of women) are coming from a place of deep wounds and healing. We’re discriminate. We’re honest with our feelings. We’re not pretending to be something we’re not. We are finding a healing. And that’s not bar talk. Our affairs aren’t bragging rights to be “understood” by our female cohort. It’s a dark hurt. That’s not a pass, it’s a truth.

To paraphrase a good friend, ‘the line of vulnerability gets thinner with each glass of wine.’ What’s a ‘girl’s night out’ after all? It’s a night to get shit out on the table. It might be shrouded in drink and revelry, but it’s all very raw. Very real. And you go home wondering.

So what is vulnerabililty for us? The need to be championed. The need to attended to. The need to feel again. The need to be appreciated. Is that different for men? On the outside yes. On the inside maybe not.

So what do I think? Men have affairs to get caught. Women have affairs to get found.

My answer — it’s your line. Cross it if you must. But make sure you like what (and who) is on the other side.

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