So I’m on a rant. Again. About kids and what is and is not appropriate as it relates to your privacy — and thereby your ability to have an active and fun sex life with your partner (or yourself for that matter). I’m going to make it pretty clear here folks. Lack of privacy is a boundary issue. A boundary that the parent(s) has not made clear. Plain and simple. If you don’t lay them out, your sex life will suffer more than it already does. And we all know I feel about that.

You are an adult.

You have an adult life.

You are in control of how you live that life (which includes the choice to lead a lustful sex life)

You create the boundaries that allow that life to be lived to your pleasure.

I’m sorry. I am not being naive. I’m also not pretending that things will be perfect. I’m just saying that kids are not in control. You are. No you can’t control everything. Kids today are growing up faster and faster. It’s shocking. But you can control how your kids respect your privacy. By setting up rules and precedents that make your right to privacy clear. (I feel like I’m writing an addendum to the Constitution all of the sudden. Oy.)

So let’s review some boundaries. Okay, they’re my boundaries. But I’m thinking they’re pretty universal here, folks.

  1. No kids in the bedroom. I understand this is not totally possible. That you need to be available to them. But they can learn to knock. Entry upon invitation. They should know that your bedroom is not their playroom. It is not a ‘family room.’ It’s your private space. Just like they have their private space. If you knock before entering their room. They will knock for you. And make sure it’s not kid friendly. Yet another reason to NOT have a TV in the bedroom. No toys. No pets. No computer. Don’t make it a desirable place to be.
  2. No kids sleeping in your bed. If they must sleep with you to fall asleep, and you have decided you must comply, then go to their room. Make them realize their bed is the only appropriate place for them to sleep. That sleep in your bed is not an option. Yes, it will be annoying the first five times, but they will get the hint.
  3. Personal information is personal. Lock it up if you have to. A friend of mine just told me a story of how her daughter opened and read an email from her boyfriend that was, well, quite x-rated. Her daughter started teasing her about it! When she asked her daughter where she learned all this, she told her from an email in her inbox. My friend’s response to this event? “I told B not to write me any more x-rated emails.” What? When I suggested that she password protect her email, she said she’d get a secret one her daughter didn’t know about. Okay, one solution. But how about “You may not read my emails.” And password protecting it. She thought this would make her daughter feel like she didn’t trust her. C’mon. Her daughter knew two lines in it wasn’t for her eyes. Consequences, people.
  4. Adult time is just for adults. Asking for time, just for the two of you, is not unreasonable. Young ones? Yes, you might wait til they go to bed. But that’s usually 8pm, so you’ve got some time built in. But older kids can live without you for 13 Minutes. I’m not saying you have to have sex, I’m just saying take the time to connect over a cocktail or whatever. When my Dad came home from work, he spent :20 greeting all us kids and then asked us to leave so he could have time with Mom. It was only :15 – :30 minutes, until dinner was ready, but we were called back in. It doesn’t need to be before dinner, but you get my point. You can make time as part of the schedule. Just to connect one on one.

I’m not saying this is all fool proof. And face it, the kids are going to walk in on you at some point. But if you’ve set boundaries up, they’ll realize they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. They’ll get it. And God knows (well, and me from personal experience) they’ll never do it again

Take control people. We’re the adults. We make the calls.

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