August 2008


I am strong: I quit my job so I could start a business I knew nothing about.

I’m a pioneer: I found a safe and provocative way to bring sensuality and sex into the daily conversation of Westport, CT.

I am a goddess: I am beautiful and confident and I leave everyone better than I found them.

Okay, that might sound a little over the top, but this morning I had to remind myself of that very fact. I was feeling sorry for myself this morning. Tired. Scared. And on the verge of feeling like a failure. That’s not me. I needed to get myself back on track. How did this happen? I forgot myself for a minute. So I had to get myself back on track. I had to do what I do best; make me feel empowered by using my sensuality. And here’s how I did it (and always do it).

  1. Find your Inner Goddess. I wake up, look at myself in the mirror and flirt with myself. I let myself know exactly how hot I am. For me, that’s staring into the mirror and giving myself the best eye flirt I can muster. I crack myself up every time. But I leave that mirror feeling a whole lot sexier than it found me. Yes, it’s the equivalent of my nephew air guitaring to his Wii, but it works. I always laugh it off, but always give myself one last look that confirms, for me, that I am as hot as the person in the mirror thinks I am.
  2. Flirt at least once a day. I mean really flirt. Completely engage another person and have fun with it. Feel the pleasure of being in that person’s company. That can be the hot guy at the coffee counter, or the little girl in the shopping cart at the store. But be fully present and make that person feel your attention. It’s better than drugs.
  3. Compliment a stranger. And make them hear you. Engage your inner charm and make that person feel 100% better than they did the three seconds previous when you were just a face in the crowd. Not a throw away compliment, one they have to stop and listen to: “Those shoes make your legs look so sexy and are perfect with that outfit.” “You have the most beautiful smile, it literally stopped me.” They will stop and take it in and engage back with you. You made their day. And you will walk away feeling amazing.
  4. Be grateful. Every day find three things to be grateful for that day. It doesn’t need to be big. It just needs to be real. Finding the perfect parking space to getting a promotion. But find three things that just made you better.
  5. Give yourself pleasure. Take out time every day to do one pleasureable thing just for yourself. That bite of chocolate. Putting on beautiful lotion. Self pleasuring. But give one delectable morsel to yourself every day.

So how did my day go?

  1. I have my favorite t-shirt on that rocks my cleavage. And I stared back at my self with my sexiest stare and knew that me and boobs where off for some action.
  2. I’m just back from a week’s vacation. I saw one of the waiters at the restaurant next store and walked out my store, locked arms with him as he walked to work and said, “Did you miss me? Because I missed you.” He kissed me on the cheek, said something beautiful in Spanish, and winked as I deposited him at the front door.
  3. I told a customer today that I loved her pose as she looked at some merchandise. There was something very sexy about it. She turned, hugged me, and said “I so need that. I feel like a loser Soccer Mom right now. I was just thinking what a schlump I was.”
  4. I am grateful how cool it was this morning when I woke up — I love Fall. I am grateful for all the customer’s today here at the store, more than I had ever expected today, the Friday before Labor Day. I am grateful for my date tonight and the challenge of being with someone new and using all that I know to have a good time.

Yep. I feel better.

Don’t panic here, people. I am not turning into a golfer. In fact, I’m not sure I even like golf that much. But it’s not a bad way to spend a day to be sure. You walk around a beautiful course for a few hours. Get to spend some quality time with a friend. Learn a lot a about patience and humility (always helpful). And then go sit at club and drink your horrible putts (and self disgust) into oblivion. What I notice is that this game seems to leave me better than it found me. Last time it was reflecting on the Circle of Love. This time, it was all about “course love.”

Course love is when a horrible shot ricochets off the tree at many miles per hour and lands you in perfect position on the fairway. Or a putt that rounds the side of the cup, catches the lip, and does a three turn whirlpool into it. We all know that feeling. For men, its that night you can’t get it up so you spend the entire evening ravishing your woman to cover it up in embarrassment and then she tells you how much she adores your selflessness in bed. Course love is natures mulligan without the do over.

On the flip side, not getting any course love is the worst. That perfect putt than literally puts its blinker on and turns left a foot from the cup… and then rolls 15 feet. Or that super long drive that hits three feet from the the top of the brutal hill and rolls back to the senior’s tee. You know, when you’re at the bar, clearly the hottest woman there, you have the hot guy’s attention, and then spill your vodka and cranberry into the lap of your crisp, white linen pants.

Look, we’re all amateurs in the game of life. And our success lies in course love and our love of the course. That’s right. Some dumb luck and a whole lot of humility. It’s about embracing every situation and putting all of our intent behind it regardless of knowing the outcome. And, it’s about not crumbling at a poor result. I know this from my business. My past loves. My current crushes. I know it every time I go on a first date. The first time I make love to someone. I know it when I have a great sales day. And when I have no one in the store the next day. Course love is just life.

And so this is why I appreciate, and am starting to like golf. It’s a rough sport. You can’t blame your teammate. You can’t blame your clubs (because you scored a 50 yesterday). You can only think “where’s the course love, baby?” And before you know it, you love the course, regardless.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” — George Eliot

I read this quote today and was totally fascinated by it. I have so many women come into the shop thinking they’ve made their bed and so they must lie in it, so to speak. Since I’ve started my Sensuality Coaching practice, I’ve been overwhelmed by the levels of complacency that sets in for women as they enter their late 30s and 40s. In their marriage. In their self image. In their way of life. In their hopelessness of living a sensual life. I’m always finding tools and exercises that wake women up to their fullest potential. And in today’s research I found this quote and it literally slapped me upside the head. It’s the quote of perfection to the story I’m trying to tell. And who more interesting to write it than George Eliot? Or should I say Mary Ann Evans.

Breaking conventions

Breaking conventions

I’m not saying her life was perfect. Far from it. But in a very buttoned up Victorian society, she found a way to live her life as a woman in a man’s world. Living the male sensibility in business and love. And what a fantastic challenge to herself and all that she came across. And what a fantastic lesson for us.

Yes, we can challenge her choices. We can challenge her happiness. We can even challenge her stability in some cases. But what we can’t challenge is her incredible strength and pursuit of living her life her way. To her expectation. On her own path. To live her life in the now.

This brief encounter with George this morning was such a thoughtful and important reminder to women who feel their life is dictated by the path they’ve chosen. It’s never too late, ladies. Life is not linear. It’s on a divine path in divine time. And the divine is far from linear.

This quote reminded me to move forward with my dreams though I’m not sure what it looks like on the other end. But waiting to figure it out leaves me far behind the pack. Living it to the possibility today means I continue to move forward as a leader in a category that barely exists. I’m breaking conventions with my shop. I’m certainly challenging the norm with my message. And I’m making it up as I go along. And I’m okay with that. But on the days that I feel like a failure, the days I don’t know what forward looks like, I am reminded that I ALWAYS have the opportunity to be the person I see in my future.

I have to live towards the life that is my vision each and every day. And not reminisce on its possibility.