November 2008

What you wear to bed is a bellwether of your relationship – with your partner and with yourself. I have a class here at the shop called “You Are What You Wear.” I ask women to bring in what they normally wear to bed. I don’t care what it looks like. What I care about the answer to these three questions:
1.    Why did you select this?
2.    How do you feel in it?
3.    What message do you think you’re sending?

A gift of beautiful lingerie from your partner is the ultimate compliment. It means he believes you are a goddess. It is an expression of his love of you and your body. There’s really no way to make that wrong. It might be the wrong size. It might even be a bit, well, trampy. But it’s only given with the best of intent. He thinks you’re hot. And wants you to know it.

Here’s the bad news. Men don’t make great choices. But you need to be very careful in how you handle this. A look of “you’ve got to be kidding” is not the way to go. Instead, a gentle, “this is so beautiful, but not really my style/color/size. Would it be okay if I exchange it?” And you can. But not for the flannel kitty pajamas. For something soft and sexy. That you feel soft and sexy in. And you must greet him in it exactly as he’d hoped with the Frederick’s of Hollywood number you returned. He paid you the ultimate compliment buying it for you, now give him the thank you he deserves.


Sensuality is subjective. And the opportunity to express it fully is unique to the bedroom. This is a private space for you — or two. Full stop. And once you believe that, you can create the bedroom of your desires.

The bedroom’s purpose is twofold: Sleep and sex. I can tell you what to put in it (signature scent, mood lighting) and what to take out (the TV, family photos) but the only thing that matters is your reaction when you walk into it. What have you created? Stand back, take the room in and ask yourself these five simple questions:

  1. Does this space turn me on? If it feels like any other room in your home, then you missed the boat. The ambiance must support the intent (I’ll say it again) — sleep and sex.
  2. What do I love in this room? And why? Your favorite item should make you relax and smile. A sexy photo. A sensuous bedcover. Your vanity and what’s on it, or in it.
  3. What is my greatest distraction? If it’s anything other than your partner or the one you’re fantasizing about, get it out of there.
  4. What do I wear bed? If you’re cringing right now, then you know what I’m asking. I’m not telling you to head to Frederick’s of Hollywood, just be aware of the message you’re sending to yourself and (if applicable) your partner – and, yes, he/she does care.
  5. What is your bedtime ritual? Self care, self pleasure, and/or self inventory is where your focus should be. You should go to sleep feeling loved.

A beautiful, sensual bedroom is not dictated by Elle Décor, but rather by your mood and actions once inside it. Follow your pleasure and the sensuality will follow.