December 2009

Well you know what I’m going to choose. But can we talk about ‘nice’ for a minute? Christmas is all about virgins and children, and anything less than that is considered de rigeur. Really? Immaculate births? Where’s the fun in that? And while we’re so busy making memories for the “family” (read: children), we need to remember to take a little bit of time out for the adults.

It’s time for the to take back Christmas. And make the memories that yet another cashmere sweater can’t manage.

I know. When? Too tired. Too stressed. Too frustrated. Well, guess what. A good sleigh ride takes care of all those things that make the holiday time not so jolly. So here are a few good reasons to put some holiday jolly at the top of your Christmas list.

  1. Sex relieves stress. One good healthy release of endorphins is more than enough to take the edge off.
  2. Sex boosts your immune system. Who knows what germ warfare you’re under while you run yourself down with shopping and partying — all while standing behind the new H1N1 incubator.
  3. Sex boosts self esteem. Why does this matter? Ask me that again Christmas Day when your mother is telling you that you’re making the gravy all wrong. Or when your brother has just trumped your $25 American Express Gift cards with a $100 ones for iTunes for all the nephews (true story).
  4. Sex helps you sleep better. The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep. And you need it to help you with #2.
  5. And if none of those worked for you: Sex burns calories! What a great way to fight off the holiday 5. Without having to hit the gym.

So turn that Ho, Ho, Ho into a Ho, Ho… Oh. Go ahead and be naughty. And leave ‘nice’ to the stressed out, sleep deprived virgins.

Oh and no partner to relieve stress with? Then try clicking here.


The challenge: Mistletoe. Everywhere. Starting now.

Mistletoe is Santa’s way of giving you permission to makeout at the drop of a hat. Okay, not with your mother-in-law, but with your partner. Every second of every day you have permission for blatant and unapologetic public displays of affection all because of a little green shrub cutting.

If this sets you into an anxiety ridden panic, then guess what, this challenge is for you. Because mistletoe is Kris Kringle’s little marriage booster. This is a stressful time of year. Kids. Parties. Too much eggnog. It can be a nightmare. And it’s also the time when you lose total connection to what the holidays are all about. Family. Love. And peace on earth, or at least your household.

So what if all this were challenged with mistletoe. Because mistletoe can handle a multitude of holiday problems.

  • Exhausted? Mistletoe. Kissing generates endorphins to wake you up.
  • About to get in a fight? Mistletoe. Carry it in your pocket and hold it over his head to shut him up with a kiss. He’ll forget what he was mad about if done correctly.
  • Kids driving you crazy? Mistletoe. It makes excellent child repellent. They’ll run screaming to the other room.
  • Need privacy? Mistletoe. A chain around the bedroom door. Double strand. No child will dare enter, and there’s no way you can enter without thinking about kissing and what comes after.
  • Hint for extra loving later? Mistletoe. Put it as a garnish on the dessert plate. Eat that.

Mistletoe is more than a useless piece of shrub that some clever arborist figured out how to sell. It’s a message. It’s a lot of messages. And it’s a way of making holiday memories that will have you smiling and checking in with the local flower shop daily come December. Think of it as Father Christmas’ gift to all lovers. Think his cheeks are red because he’s been on his sleigh nipping too much brandy to stay warm? No, it’s because he can’t stop thinking about Mrs. Claus under the mistletoe.