So I’m working from home again. And I’m finding the whole thing quite fascinating. At the shop I was sidetracked. I felt trapped at times. And more often that not, I was pretty unproductive. And now here I am at home with the same list of to do’s and it’s different. Invigorating. Dare I say it, sexy.
My new found freedom has an almost aphrodisiac quality to it. Maybe it’s the idea of “no rules.” Maybe it’s that I’m only responsible for me. But either way there is something overwhelmingly erotic about the whole experience. And in very interesting ways. Because I feel like I just broke up with myself and am dating again.
And I mean, I am on the market. I’ve changed my look. My routines. My outlook. My availability to do — well, anything. I’m in reinvention mode. And I feel hot. And it’s the little things. The things I knew but didn’t acknowledge. The things other people noticed, but didn’t want to say.
Getting dressed for the day. I’ve not been this enthusiastic in some time. I look in my closet each morning and think about what I’d like to wear. And I accessorize! All this to go downstairs and sit at my desk. I told myself it was away of addressing the day to ensure that I felt like I was ‘at work.’ But it was really about feeling good about myself and feeling purposeful and empowered. It’s about getting my sexy on even if it’s just for Malcolm and Gwyneth (the cliche cats).
I’m wearing more make up. In order to save time at home I was leaving make up application until I got to the shop. Big mistake. More often that not, it never went on. I even convinced myself that I looked okay without it. ‘No one really cares.’ Are you kidding me? I’m not only wearing make up, but I’m putting lipstick on and I’m not even leaving the house.
I’m losing weight. This is the kicker. Here I am home with a fully stocked fridge and I’m not interested. Nor am I using it as an excuse to get up and take a break (the tea kettle has taken on that duty). But more than that — not only am I not eating so much, I’m eating so much better. It wasn’t that I ate a lot at work, I just didn’t think about what I ate. Why? I think it’s because now that I feel sexier I care about what I’m eating and how my clothes fit again.
I’m socializing more. It’s not that I’m less busy. Don’t have as much to do. But not being locked up in the shop all day means I can work at 7am or 7pm. If I want to go for a walk, head out for a quick coffee to get some fresh perspective, I can. And going out at night, like tonight, doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Because I’m not exhausted at 6pm anymore. And I want to go out and see what might happen.
So you get the point. I’m dating again. And it feels great. I look good. I feel good. I want to go out tonight and flirt myself into some research. To talk about who I am, what I do. In the context of me. Not in the context of “that shop in Westport.” I’m me again. I’m sexy. I’m alive. I’m ready to have fun. I’m ready to work and see what’s next. I’m not sad about the shop. I’m grateful for what I learned and ready to take the good, leave the bad, and make Bedroom Matters better than it was before. Make me better than I was before.
So rereading this it’s all statement of the obvious. But it’s not that obvious when you’re in it. And I was in it. So take this as one more testimonial, trite as it might seem. And got out do some research for yourself. And tell me when you’re done.