My New Year’s resolution is to really focus on my health. Specifically, eating better. So regardless of the weight that I won’t lose, at least I’ll know I am eating healthier. And that’s sexy. Taking a stand for my body is sexy. Preparing food is sexy. I’ve slowed down and am taking pleasure in cooking for myself. I make better food choices when I go out. And even when I’ve been out late and didn’t have dinner, I think about what I’m stuffing in my mouth when I get home. Normally, I’d grab too much of some moderate to unhealthy snack. Last night, I came home at 10pm, pretty hungry, and stopped. I didn’t want to eat too much before bed or feel gross in the morning.

Enter the hemp bagel. I know! What was I thinking?

Hemp bagels are super high in protein and fiber. They are a new food choice for me. They are healthy, filling and ‘green.’ Eating one would keep me sated and, though I’m not sure why, make me feel like I’ve done something for the environment. I guess because these are what all those ‘green people’ eat. I toasted it, put on some butter, and headed upstairs to eat it in bed while I read.

It was like eating a bird’s nest. I could literally feel bits of twig and feathers as I chewed. I could taste every piece of compost that had contributed to each and every ingredient. I persevered, thinking I just had to get used to it. The offending bagel then proceeded to suck all hydration out of my mouth. Desperate gulps of water only left a party of wet sewage in its wake. Worse, eating this in bed was like an affront to my sensuality. Seeds all over. The foul taste a far cry from paint-on chocolate and whipped cream. It was horrible.

Let’s take a look at how exactly unsexy a product this is:

It’s poo brown with pea green understones.

It’s been covered in seeds to make it “look” like an Everything Bagel.

You could place a couple of robin’s eggs in the center and a bird would fly out of nowhere and start incubating them.

You can taste the compost from which it originated, including the horse manure, just from the photo.

It doesn’t even sound good: Hemp Bagel. Blech.

Now I’m all for healthy, organic food choices. But there is no one that will ever convince me that the hemp bagel is an appetizing and/or appealing bite of deliciousness. It is really, hands down, the unsexiest food product I have ever eaten. It left me yearning for the bready,  slightly-chewy, processed-flour, New York bagel – topped with 1/2″ of cream cheese on each half. Some lox and red onion. And not a seed to be found the next morning under my covers.

I don’t care how good hemp bagels are for me. You tree-hugging, unwashed, hippie folk can have every last one of them. Not only are they gross, they’ve turned my green-0-meter back 25 years. So go ahead, start a petition for the hemp bagel. Send me recipes ad finitum on how to make this bit of fencepost a succulent morsel of sexy. Just know that I won’t be serving one to my lover as an aphrodisiac any time soon.


One of my Dad’s favorite expressions was “Youth is wasted on the young.” So, I see now, is lube. Teenage boys have been using it for years. Lube. Olive Oil. Banana peels. Or anything else Portnoy could think up. And they used it unapologetically. And in copious amounts. They used it because it felt good. Full stop. So what happened? Did they think the girl wouldn’t like it? Were they embarrassed to bring it out? Unfortunately for us girls, the closest thing we got to lube was KY-Jelly at the gynocologists office.  And you know what? We could have used lube then, and we can certainly use it now.8c741e45-65b8-bd7b-dd8a-bda07faad7c3

Lube has this strange stigma attached to it for women. Like if we aren’t self lubricating then somethings wrong with us. We’re not turned on. Or we’re post-menopausal. None of which are true. Sometimes, sports fans, we’re just dry. And sometimes, even if we are wet, poking something dry inside can still be painful. Lube has not gender. Lube has no age. Lube is a all round player in the world of pleasure. So pour it on!

For teenage girls it would certainly make self pleasuring a lot less painful. We girls all know what I’m talking about. And for lovemaking, it’s always a plus. It doesn’t make things too slippery. It doesn’t effect intensity for the man. It just smooths everything out. For everyone. If there’s pain, let there be lube. Even if you’re pouring like Niagara.

And for my menopausal ladies — you should have this on your bedside stand like you do your lotion. Dryness is a big issue post-menopause. And sex can be painful — for lots of different reasons. But a good lubricant can take care of a good 75% of the issues. Really. And, it enhances his pleasure as well. There is no need for pain in pleasure (unless you so desire it).

Besides, lube is fun in other ways, too! Great for hand jobs. And is a great way to get your man to soften his touch. Try it on your nipples, for a little massaging. Though not a substitute for massage oil as it absorbs more quickly and differently, it is fun to try on different erogenous zones to create a smooth, soft touch. Just for a minute. And then no messy, oily residue to deal with! My favorite is Kamastra’s Love Potion. It’s silicone. I know. But it’s light and it lasts a long time. And, yes, you could use olive oil, but it doesn’t absorb the same way and you wind up smelling like a salad.

So why the diatribe on lube? Because 75% of the people that walk into my store don’t use it. And at least half of them again, return to thank me and buy more. So go ahead. Buy it. At the very least, it’ll bring up some fun high school memories to get your evening off to a memorable start.

I’m here, hanging at the shop, getting ready for a first date. I love first dates. They’re bursting with possibility…. like spring. And, well, it’s far from spring-like out. Or what I like to think of as spring. You know, the days like yesterday where it’s so beautiful you can taste summer. But not today.

  • It’s a cold — 50 degrees.
  • It’s rainy. Nasty Spring rain. Wet. Cold. Drizzly. (My hair doesn’t stand a chance for this date, let me tell you.)
  • It’s dark and gloomy. Not inviting. Not warm. Just dreary.
  • However…. pansies are the flower box. Crocuses are flooding front lawns all over Fairfield County. Daffodils are bursting themselves with the first early bloomers — big and bright. Robins are afield, looking for food.

But I did think about, given the circumstances, what would a perfect date look like on a night like tonight? Not my date tonight — mine will be one of those slightly uncomfortable ones, sitting at the bar, hoping we get along as well as we did on email and phone. But if I flashed forward to a year from now — providing things went well (no pressure) — what would my date tonight look like then. It looks like this:


It’s Spring. April is the month of possibilities. Everything has potential in April. Everything is new and fresh and bright and filled with the urge to be bigger, more beautiful. Even on this cold dark day, I’ve only to walk to the front of the boutique, catch a glimpse of my purple and yellow pansies and I’m a happy girl. It’s a sensual month to be sure. And a month were everything, despite itself, continues to grow. Through the cold, the wet and the dark.

So I can think the date above, but I can’t quite have it yet. So I’m giving it to you.

Build the fire. Dim the lights. Put on J’ai Deux Amours by Madeleine Peroux. Pour some Fourplay wine (it’s all in the name). Listen to the rain. Savor your partner. And see what blossoms.

What you wear to bed is a bellwether of your relationship – with your partner and with yourself. I have a class here at the shop called “You Are What You Wear.” I ask women to bring in what they normally wear to bed. I don’t care what it looks like. What I care about the answer to these three questions:
1.    Why did you select this?
2.    How do you feel in it?
3.    What message do you think you’re sending?

A gift of beautiful lingerie from your partner is the ultimate compliment. It means he believes you are a goddess. It is an expression of his love of you and your body. There’s really no way to make that wrong. It might be the wrong size. It might even be a bit, well, trampy. But it’s only given with the best of intent. He thinks you’re hot. And wants you to know it.

Here’s the bad news. Men don’t make great choices. But you need to be very careful in how you handle this. A look of “you’ve got to be kidding” is not the way to go. Instead, a gentle, “this is so beautiful, but not really my style/color/size. Would it be okay if I exchange it?” And you can. But not for the flannel kitty pajamas. For something soft and sexy. That you feel soft and sexy in. And you must greet him in it exactly as he’d hoped with the Frederick’s of Hollywood number you returned. He paid you the ultimate compliment buying it for you, now give him the thank you he deserves.

We all know that sleep is an essential part of our overall health. It reduces stress, aids your body in repairing itself, and improves overall performance during your day. But there is more to the bedroom than a good night’s sleep – and it all adds up to a healthy lifestyle.

Sex isn’t just a nice to have when it comes to health. It has been proven to boost your immune system, lower blood pressure, and improve cardiovascular health to name but few benefits. But more importantly, a healthy sex life can boost your self esteem, improve intimacy with your partner, and, let’s face it, improve your mood exponentially. It’s great exercise for your body, mind and soul.

Sleep and sex make the bedroom the most important room in the house. It should be relaxing, but it should also be a rejuvenating and private space built for intimacy. Think of it as sensual haven for your desires. That means creating a space that is warm, inviting, sensual and made for two (even if it’s just you right now). It means no TV, no kids, no family photos, no outside influence that takes you outside of yourself. You must create an intimate oasis that invites you to feel safe, sexy and sensual.

Create a room using warm tones that speak to your personality and passion. Leave beige to the living room. Invite rich, but subdued tones into your room. Deep earth tones are my favorite, coupled with sensuous bedding and evocative lighting. Declutter your space. Keep it open to possibility. And find a signature scent that transports you as you walk into the room. Evoke passion. Not just good night’s sleep. And even if you’ve got nothing going on in there right now, it’ll harbor some lovely dreams until you do.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” — George Eliot

I read this quote today and was totally fascinated by it. I have so many women come into the shop thinking they’ve made their bed and so they must lie in it, so to speak. Since I’ve started my Sensuality Coaching practice, I’ve been overwhelmed by the levels of complacency that sets in for women as they enter their late 30s and 40s. In their marriage. In their self image. In their way of life. In their hopelessness of living a sensual life. I’m always finding tools and exercises that wake women up to their fullest potential. And in today’s research I found this quote and it literally slapped me upside the head. It’s the quote of perfection to the story I’m trying to tell. And who more interesting to write it than George Eliot? Or should I say Mary Ann Evans.

Breaking conventions

Breaking conventions

I’m not saying her life was perfect. Far from it. But in a very buttoned up Victorian society, she found a way to live her life as a woman in a man’s world. Living the male sensibility in business and love. And what a fantastic challenge to herself and all that she came across. And what a fantastic lesson for us.

Yes, we can challenge her choices. We can challenge her happiness. We can even challenge her stability in some cases. But what we can’t challenge is her incredible strength and pursuit of living her life her way. To her expectation. On her own path. To live her life in the now.

This brief encounter with George this morning was such a thoughtful and important reminder to women who feel their life is dictated by the path they’ve chosen. It’s never too late, ladies. Life is not linear. It’s on a divine path in divine time. And the divine is far from linear.

This quote reminded me to move forward with my dreams though I’m not sure what it looks like on the other end. But waiting to figure it out leaves me far behind the pack. Living it to the possibility today means I continue to move forward as a leader in a category that barely exists. I’m breaking conventions with my shop. I’m certainly challenging the norm with my message. And I’m making it up as I go along. And I’m okay with that. But on the days that I feel like a failure, the days I don’t know what forward looks like, I am reminded that I ALWAYS have the opportunity to be the person I see in my future.

I have to live towards the life that is my vision each and every day. And not reminisce on its possibility.

Cindy with her driverSo I played my first game of golf this weekend. Ever. Well, I played 9 holes. My good friend Cindy has been trying to get me out and I finally caved. Not that I didn’t want to, I just didn’t want to be humiliated. However, Cindy and her friend were amazingly gentle and fun to play with. No pressure. Lots of swearing. And I got to play with a hot pink golf ball. (Mama Gena would be so proud.)

I’m not going to bore you with all the sexual innuendo. I could rail off on this sport. The grip, the stroke, the ball, the hole. I mean really, it’s endless. Clearly this entire sport was thought up by men. But I did want to talk about one rule you may not have heard about. It’s called the “Circle of Love.”

This nifty little rule allows you to get “close enough” and still get the stroke. I loved this rule. Not just because it was just a nice thing, and that it moves the game along, but it was such a great metaphor for life. You know what? Sometimes close enough is just as good as getting in the hole. What if we’d had that that rule when you had your first sexual experience? I remember thinking, somewhere around age 6, that sex happened in your belly button. I’m not even sure I knew I had a vagina, for goodness sake. And trust me, given the pain of my first sexuaThe Circle of Lovel experience, I would have preferred the belly button. But had I known about the Circle of Love, I probably would have been more ready to give the guy a Mulligan. Instead of being an uncomfortable situation, he would have been embraced in the Circle of Love. It would have been good enough, given the circumstances. What about now? We’re adults. We know it all. We’re supposed to expert lovers. But you know what? There are absolutely instances where the Circle of Love should apply.

  • You can’t get aroused. You know what? Cuddling is good enough.
  • Didn’t last as long as you wanted? You know what? You showed up. Good enough.
  • Didn’t get the foreplay you wanted? At least you were intimate. Good enough.
  • You didn’t lose the ten pounds before he saw you naked? Guess what, he thought you were hot anyway. Your body is good enough

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am NOT talking about settling. I’m talking about realizing that getting it in the hole is not always the most important thing. It’s that you tried hard and got really, really close. And that definitely counts. So embrace the Circle of Love and give yourself a mulligan. Trust me, if you try really hard, it’s always good enough.