One of my Dad’s favorite expressions was “Youth is wasted on the young.” So, I see now, is lube. Teenage boys have been using it for years. Lube. Olive Oil. Banana peels. Or anything else Portnoy could think up. And they used it unapologetically. And in copious amounts. They used it because it felt good. Full stop. So what happened? Did they think the girl wouldn’t like it? Were they embarrassed to bring it out? Unfortunately for us girls, the closest thing we got to lube was KY-Jelly at the gynocologists office.  And you know what? We could have used lube then, and we can certainly use it now.8c741e45-65b8-bd7b-dd8a-bda07faad7c3

Lube has this strange stigma attached to it for women. Like if we aren’t self lubricating then somethings wrong with us. We’re not turned on. Or we’re post-menopausal. None of which are true. Sometimes, sports fans, we’re just dry. And sometimes, even if we are wet, poking something dry inside can still be painful. Lube has not gender. Lube has no age. Lube is a all round player in the world of pleasure. So pour it on!

For teenage girls it would certainly make self pleasuring a lot less painful. We girls all know what I’m talking about. And for lovemaking, it’s always a plus. It doesn’t make things too slippery. It doesn’t effect intensity for the man. It just smooths everything out. For everyone. If there’s pain, let there be lube. Even if you’re pouring like Niagara.

And for my menopausal ladies — you should have this on your bedside stand like you do your lotion. Dryness is a big issue post-menopause. And sex can be painful — for lots of different reasons. But a good lubricant can take care of a good 75% of the issues. Really. And, it enhances his pleasure as well. There is no need for pain in pleasure (unless you so desire it).

Besides, lube is fun in other ways, too! Great for hand jobs. And is a great way to get your man to soften his touch. Try it on your nipples, for a little massaging. Though not a substitute for massage oil as it absorbs more quickly and differently, it is fun to try on different erogenous zones to create a smooth, soft touch. Just for a minute. And then no messy, oily residue to deal with! My favorite is Kamastra’s Love Potion. It’s silicone. I know. But it’s light and it lasts a long time. And, yes, you could use olive oil, but it doesn’t absorb the same way and you wind up smelling like a salad.

So why the diatribe on lube? Because 75% of the people that walk into my store don’t use it. And at least half of them again, return to thank me and buy more. So go ahead. Buy it. At the very least, it’ll bring up some fun high school memories to get your evening off to a memorable start.


We all know that sleep is an essential part of our overall health. It reduces stress, aids your body in repairing itself, and improves overall performance during your day. But there is more to the bedroom than a good night’s sleep – and it all adds up to a healthy lifestyle.

Sex isn’t just a nice to have when it comes to health. It has been proven to boost your immune system, lower blood pressure, and improve cardiovascular health to name but few benefits. But more importantly, a healthy sex life can boost your self esteem, improve intimacy with your partner, and, let’s face it, improve your mood exponentially. It’s great exercise for your body, mind and soul.

Sleep and sex make the bedroom the most important room in the house. It should be relaxing, but it should also be a rejuvenating and private space built for intimacy. Think of it as sensual haven for your desires. That means creating a space that is warm, inviting, sensual and made for two (even if it’s just you right now). It means no TV, no kids, no family photos, no outside influence that takes you outside of yourself. You must create an intimate oasis that invites you to feel safe, sexy and sensual.

Create a room using warm tones that speak to your personality and passion. Leave beige to the living room. Invite rich, but subdued tones into your room. Deep earth tones are my favorite, coupled with sensuous bedding and evocative lighting. Declutter your space. Keep it open to possibility. And find a signature scent that transports you as you walk into the room. Evoke passion. Not just good night’s sleep. And even if you’ve got nothing going on in there right now, it’ll harbor some lovely dreams until you do.

Truth time people. Going to bed in your man’s college t-shirt is not as sexy as you think. I’m sorry. I know he said you looked sexy in it. But think about it. What were the circumstances of that compliment? And how often have you heard it since? In my non-scientific poll of customers, they admitted to only hearing this once. And my gueNice is, they were probably in the kitchen, the man coming up from behind, all hot and bothered, when she heard those magic words, “Honey, you look so hot in my college t-shirt.” And then he promptly removed it. That, or you were 21.

Yes, in the right circumstance, it can be pretty damn sexy. Like, when you’re not wearing anything underneath it and doing a sexy little dance. But you and I both know you are wearing it with oversized flannels, socks and an oversized hoodie. I’m sorry. It’s not sexy. (And, yes, this applies to men as well.)

I get that it makes you feel young. It’s a throw back to your days of endless sex and fun in college. It’s a reminder of freedom and lack of responsibility. Fine. But, you know it says now? I’m old. I’m living off my glory days. Maybe he won’t notice my breasts have dropped. But worst of all it says, I don’t care.

I mean come on. Your average college t-shirt pajama ensemble basically says, “Don’t even think of having sex with me. I couldn’t be less interested.”

Am I exaggerating? Maybe (probably not). But you get my point. And here is my real question — how do you feel in this outfit? Honestly. And no, comfortable is not an acceptable answer. Do you see yourself as beautiful and desirable? Do you feel sexy? How do YOU feel? Do you feel like Keira Knightly? Not look like her, feel like her. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I’m not saying you need to dress up like a Victoria Secret model every night, but think about what you are saying to yourself and to the person who is in bed with you. To be sexy you have to feel sexy. You have to feel confident. And you have to want to look as beautiful as you feel. Make sure it’s soft to the touch. That it skims your body. That it shows your clavical and your shoulders. Show some skin ladies. Stop apologizing for your body and embrace.

Use the girlfriend litmus test. Stand in front of the mirror and say, “What would my girlfriend’s say?” If they say fine for a pajama party with your best friend or a night with Ben & Jerry on the couch — time to rethink your wardrobe. Love your body. Love your sensuality. Love your partner. And for God’s sake, look in the bloody mirror.